So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Chapter 3

Talk about your long, awkward goodbyes. Did the Dursleys actually pull out of the driveway yet?

Good old Uncle Vernon just couldn't stand the thought of what he saw as taking orders from Harry (yes, I can mind-read fictional characters as far as you know). When he could stall no longer and Dudley showed fear, Vernon finally caved.

Awkward goodbyes are part of job interviews, TV show finales and first dates. But I did not expect that here. I thought it would be quick out the door, maybe a quick wave and that would be it.

The stunning moment of the scene was Dudley's surprise that Harry wasn't coming with. The second surprise was when Dudley expressed gratitude to Harry for saving his life. And I thought Petunia would break character, but she's learned not to show emotion living with Vernon. If emotional tears were ever going to flow on Privet Drive, this was the moment. But it came and went with the awkwardness of me, a right-hander, trying to throw left-handed.

The longest goodbye I can remember was performed by the Von Trapp Family Singers in "The Sound of Music." That wasn't awkward. It was tricky. The worst? Some would say the final episode of M*A*S*H.

Back to the Dursleys. In an odd way, and probably for Harry as well, I will miss them. They are a ridiculous lot, but they give us a reason to laugh in these dark days. So, off with you Dursleys. Hope your safehouse wherever it is will be acceptable, but I doubt it. Hope Voldemort doesn't find you. No one deserves to meet him.

When I saw the title of the chapter, my first thought was good riddance. I still kinda feel that way for the way they treated Harry. But I'll amend that first thought to good luck.

But that's it. No more long, awkward goodbyes.

Bye.

An uninvited guest

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: Chapter 3

Nothing like making the Dursleys as uncomfortable as possible by casually performing magic tricks in their living room. The sight of those glasses knocking against their heads must have been fun to see. I wonder if they even felt it through their thick noggins.

Doubtful. When they were reminded of their mistreatment of Harry they were surely clueless. And they are even more so in their lack of understanding of their rotten spoiling of Dudders. Still, nice to see somebody tell them the truth.

So Sir Albus Dumbledore (don't you think he's met the queen and that she's probably knighted him by now because he's probably prevented some grand catastrophe or two) comes to rescue Harry from another summer of discontent. An adventure of some kind surely awaits on the trip to the burrow or when he gets there.

We get more caught up on what's been happening since the end of the last book through newspaper clippings and via news from Sir Albus. Not surprising that Harry doesn't want two key pieces of his inheritance. I doubt I would want to return to number twelve, Grimmauld Place given all that's happened. And I wouldn't want Kreacher either. As handy as it might sound to have a house elf do your bidding, who could put up with the attitude.

And it's off to the burrow with the invisibility cloak in hand. One should never go out in these times without one of those.

Giants, footprints and Dolores, oh my

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: Chapter 20

Ol' Hagrid can' help but tell his story, and thats wha' we love abou' him. The deep secrets he thinks have been entrusted to him only last until his little cloaked friends come for a visit. Getting him to spill the beans is about as easy as getting Dudley to eat dessert.

Quite a tall (pun intended) tale Hagrid had to tell about his visit to the "Land of the Giants" with his girlfriend. I get the idea that the brain of a giant is disproportionate to its size. Not sure what an alliance with these big, dumb idiots will do for either side unless there's a spell to stop them killing each other. Giant-on-giant crime seems to be a real problem in remote mountain valleys.

But nothing, it seems, is too remote for the High Instigator not to shove her uninvited nose in to. I think Harry and friends should tie our fake-smiling friend up in the invisibility cloak after stealing her wand and casting a spell that ties her tongue in a knot. I assume there's some kind of chandelier in the Great Hall they could hang her from indefinitely. No one else would know she's there, and it can be their giant secret. Just don't tell Hagrid.

But I'm dreaming.

I supposed her highness will go on inquisiting and instigating against the D.A.

She's a mean one (kinda like the Grinch).

p.s. Anybody know where I can get a good dragon steak? Sounds like good eatin'.

Not much private on Privet anymore

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: Chapter 2

I couldn't remember what a Squib was so I Googled it. How crazy is it that I found a wiki that had the definition and an entire entry devoted to what a Squib is. I would say it's ridiculous for people to put this much work into fictional characters, but then look at me. I'm pretty sure some people think I'm crazy, and more would if they knew about this little blog.

"A Squib is someone who was born into a wizarding family but hasn’t got any magic powers. Kind of the opposite of Muggle-born wizards, but Squibs are quite unusual."
— Ron Weasley discussing Argus Filch

And I thought a squib was when you bounce a kickoff along the ground to prevent the dangerous return man from making a big play. Anyway, I'm sure we'll see more of Mrs. Figg if she doesn't get thrown into Azkaban for murder.

This episode of the Dursley's trying to uncover what happened to Dudley is comical. Vernon must have a strong heart, because he's not one to take things in stride. Harry, on the other hand, was just the opposite. He doesn't care what the Dursleys know and he tells them everything. What's the point in hiding it with owls in and out of the house and Dudley trying to blame him for everything?

Of course, when Petunia reveals that she knows what Dementors are, the whole scene changes. Harry finally gets some Privet Drive cred even though Vernon tries to throw him out. Then the Howler shows up and Petunia is shown to know even more about wizarding. "Are you in touch with wizards?" Harry asks. I would love to hear the answer to that one as well.

I want lots of answers, but I must be patient ... one chapter at a time (no wiki leaks please).

Talk about your dark alleys

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: Chapter 1

I've started Year 5 on my quest. I must be demented.

Dudley must be on his way to a productive life. The Sweet Science has rescued many young boys from a life of crime. It's good to see him making something of himself. Yet, I do wonder if there is a spine inside that mass of flesh.

Perhaps I am being a bit judgmental of dear old Dudley. I suppose if my cousin waved a magic wand at me and I encountered Dementors completely unaware of what was going on, I'd be a little spineless too. Dudley is a spoiled brat and a bully, but I do feel some pity on him.

Voldemort's attack has apparently begun. But I think he sent some boys to do a man's job. A little Expecto Patronum! and the Dementors were defeated. And it was jolly of Harry to save Dudley from his first kiss.

Now here's something I should have realized. Old Mrs.Figg is a witch. Of course, she has lots of cats and she took an interest in Harry when no one else would. No doubt she works for Dumbledore. Can't wait to find out who or what Mundungus Fletcher is.

As cold as it is the spring, one has to wonder if the Dementors are lurking in alleys all over the Midwest.

Can we leave yet?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire: Chapter 3

Maybe I shouldn't be in such a hurry to create the "Anti-Dursley Household League." They do provide comic relief. Now that Dudley looks more like a Weeble than ever before (except that if he does wobble, he will fall down), a letter has been sent home.

A shape-up or ship-out letter is just what he needs, but I do have a hint of sympathy for him. His diet, while healthy, sounds perfectly boring.

Life on Privet Drive is getting better for Harry. Other than Dudley's troubles, he gets permission to join the Weasley's for the Quidditch World Cup. Of course, he had to play the Sirius card, but he got permission nonetheless.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire: Chapter 4

It is doubtless that Vernon will ever again utter the phrase "Better late than never." He certainly would have preferred just about anything to the entrance the Weasleys made into his living room to pick up Harry. Then again, there is no pleasing this muggle.

But imagine for a moment that someone other than Santa Claus shows up in your chimney. And he's brought a bunch of red-headed elves with him. Two of whom are practical jokers who accidentally spill candy, which your son eats. The candy does strange things to his tongue and thoroughly freaks everybody out.

I'm not going over to the Dursley Side, I'm just saying ...

Triumph and tragedy

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban: Chapter 15

So the end is near for Buckbeak. Is there no justice for framed hippogriffs? More on this later.

Hermione is obviously ready for summer vacation. I don't condone violence, but I sure hope her face-slapping of Malfoy is in the movie. Next time she should wave her wand in his general direction and say something like, "Off with your tongue!"

Next, she forgets to go to Charms class, then walks out of Divination. Somebody buy her an ice cream cone. That's always the best chill pill.

Not sure what seeing Crookshanks and a big hairy dog is all about for Harry, but I've been keeping a watchful eye on that cat since it entered the story. You can't be too careful with cats.

And you can't be too careful when playing Slytherin for the Quidditch Cup. No surprise they chose dirty tactics over relying on skill. It was like they put all the goons on the ice at once. But fair play and talent won out.

When Malfoy grabbed Harry's broom I decided that Malfoy and Dudley must have been separated at birth.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban: Chapter 16

Finals week is always a mix of anxiety and anticipation. And if your name is Harry Potter there is always the unexpected.

When Trelawney is channeling Voldemort - knowingly or not - questions are raised. Why is he telling Harry? And what is Black breaking free from? Is he trapped inside Hogwarts somewhere? Has it been not that he can't get in past the dementors, but that he can't get past them to get out?

More likely, it's something I haven't thought of, but it's fun to speculate.

Two things we don't have to speculate on anymore is what happened to Scabbers and will Hagrid win the appeal for Buckbeak?

Scabbers lives - and by the way he was acting there seems to be some purpose to his disappearance - and Beaky dies. Chalk one up for the Malfoys. It's unclear why they cared, but I don't think they need a reason to be mean.

Breaking free

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban: Chapter 1

Into the third book already and remembering that the summer always go too fast unless your name is Harry Potter. On Privet Drive, every day is like a thousand.

Even if Ron trying to telephone Harry is about as successful as Lockhart trying to cast a spell, at least there is mail and a trusty owl to deliver it. And at least Harry got some birthday presents this year.

Will he get the permission slip signed? I have read the next chapter, so I know the answer. But I didn't have to turn the page to know there was a fat chance of Vernon scribbling his name for Harry. I'm sure Harry will have some sneaking around to do under his cloak when his friends are in Hogsmeade.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban: Chapter 2

Thankfully, I never had an aunt like Aunt Marge. Aunts, like mothers-in-law seem to get picked on a lot in books and movies. They're not all bad.

But this one? Oh, she's definitely related to the Dursleys. She wears the same blinders when looking at Dudley and Harry.

I hope Harry learns that blackmail never works. I know it seems impossible to expect any kindness from the Dursleys minus coercion, but it always falls apart.

You might say it blew up in his face.

One thumb up

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone: The movie

Most of my busy life has been to watch the movie, then maybe read the book. I have rarely done the opposite approach. I'm not defending that approach, it's more like I'm admitting it.

If Jeff was a masochist like Dobby, Jeff would get the books in hardback and beat himself over the head with them after such an admission. But I am neither house-elf nor masochist, so I will happily watch a movie before reading it in paperback in the future. (Just not the Harry Potter series.)

This time I am glad I read the book first. I know that movies cannot mirror books exactly, and that it's like comparing apples to oranges, or wizards to muggles, if you will, but the book is better.

A few observations from the extended version:

• Less of the dreaded Dursleys is OK by me, but they are more obnoxious in the book than in the limited screen time they got. (I did laugh when Dudley fell into the snake's cage.)
  
• Robbie Coltrane was well cast as Hagrid, but not as large as I imagined.
  
• Alan Rickman was the perfect choice to play Snape.
• Overall, the movie was well cast and the actors were largely true to Rowling's characters.
• The action scenes were pretty good. Some things were added for visual reasons, which is fine.
• I liked hearing things said that are verbatim, or at least close to it, from the book.
• The Quidditch match could've been better. The shots of Harry seemed more artificial than the other parts of the match.
• They explained some things after the fact in the movie, which tended to throw me off a little.
• If I hadn't read the book, I would have been more surprised than I was when Ron made Hermione cry and take refuge in the restroom. Ron and Harry's early dislike of Hermione should have been played up a little more. (Though she was good at being obnoxious.)
  
• Visually, things looked about like I imagined at Hogwarts. And Privet Drive was perfectly antiseptic. You would have no clue driving down that street what was going on in Number 4.
  

I believe if I had not read the book first, the movie would have been difficult to follow at times. If I was going to write a screenplay, I would make sure those who hadn't read the book got a clear picture of the story from reading the script from the first word to the last. Not an easy thing to do, but worth the effort.

Back to the "Chamber of Secrets." It's a rainy day in Jamestown. Perfect for reading.

Dobby, dobby, doo

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: Chapter 2

First, Dobby refers to himself in the first person repeatedly. If I were to write, "Jeff thinks Harry should ... or If it were up to Jeff, the Dursleys would be ...." Annoying isn't it.

I'm sure any of us could come up with some punishments for Dobby to inflict on himself every time he talks in the first person. Like, have to sit down to dinner with Vernon, Petunia and Dudley. Or pretend to be Dudley's chair.

So Dobby claims to be a warning signal, but he's just a big pain in the rear end for Harry. Dobby could be a double agent who just wants Harry to stay away from Hogwarts. And now Harry's locked in his room like a full-fledged prisoner. Somebody call social services and put the Dursleys behind bars. I'd like to see Dudley be demanding with a 6-foot-4 prison guard carrying a club.

By now I'm obviously quite sympathetic toward Harry. The Dursleys are as unlikable a lot as you could imagine and they've just about touched my last nerve.

But Ron is outside the window as we close this chapter. A rescue can't be too many pages away.

There's no place like home

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: Chapter 1

I have a feeling that Harry's bedroom isn't going to be a Chamber of Secrets when Vernon's hoped-for client comes to dinner. Whoever is in Harry's room is bound to cause enough trouble to let out the secret of Harry.

It will be fun to watch the Dursleys squirm in anger at Harry and try to remain pleasant for their company. I expect them to fail miserably. If you have to rehearse being nice and saying lovely things, what's that tell you. Handling adversity gracefully probably isn't a Dursley virtue.

Too bad Harry hasn't heard from his friends, but my guess is that his mail is probably being intercepted by Vernon and Petunia.

Even worse is that Harry doesn't at least get cake for his birthday. But Dudley probably would've eaten it all anyway. He certainly is a growing boy.

School's out for the summer

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone: Chapter 17

So Dumbledore outsmarted them all. Or should I say outmagicked them. He allows the praise to be heaped on Harry and his sidekicks at the banquet, but it was Humbledore's forethought of how to handle the mirror that ultimately stumped Quirrell and Voldemort ... or is it Voldemort and Quirrell.

Every good story has a good conclusion that answers lots of questions, and this one did.

• Snape is not the enemy but not quite a friend.
• Warped thinking is revealed: "There is no good and evil, there is only power ...
  
• Quirrell/Voldemort find Harry to be too hot to handle.
• The manifestation of Voldemort was as creepy as you had hoped.
• Dumbledore has answers, but he keeps the biggest answer from Harry and us.
• Gryffindor wins the cup. It would have been a downer had Slytherin won. The author wants us to put the book down completely happy with the outcome.
• We haven't seen the last of Voldemort in any form.
  

So now Harry gets to spend summer vacation with Dursleys. He will soon think of the school year as vacation despite his plans for Dudley.

I would say poor Dudley, but I won't.

Quidditch, questions and quick wits

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone: Chapter 10

So how long do you think it would take Dudley to break a Nimbus Two Thousand? About a minute. Once he realized not even the Cadillac of brooms could budge him off the ground, he would snap it over his knee like Bo Jackson and toss it next to his other broken gadgets.

What was the most anticipated thing you ordered through the mail as a kid? I remember when I was 10 or 11 and had saved up enough money to order a complete set of Topp's baseball cards. How cool was that. I didn't have to buy packs and packs of cards to go for a complete set, which was impossible. I still have that set.

But if I had been born a wizard, then I can see how the arrival of a Nimbus Two Thousand could almost make you wet your pants.

That is until you are face to face with a troll. But bravery and courage prevailed as Ron and Harry rescued Hermione from certain death. Then she took the blame.

Hmmm ... willing to die and willing to take the blame. What does it all mean?

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone: Chapter 11

Interesting game, this Quidditch. The sports fan in me is probably why I finished my reading so early today. I never leave a game before it's over (never know what you might miss), so it was hard to stop reading.

I was disappointed by how the match ended. There's no explanation of how Harry caught the Snitch in his mouth or if he even meant to. A good reporter wouldn't leave that out. Oh well, I won't play editor or professor today.

Now about this Snape business. Hagrid is keeping something hidden, which I assume is the sorcerer's stone or something related to it. Snape wants it and we can only assume for evil purposes.

But not everything in Hogwarts is at seems. T'will be interesting to see what is real, what is imagined and what is magic.