Bad dreams are made of this

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: Chapter 15

For most of this chapter, how many of you – and be honest – felt like you had just awakened from a bad dream about junior high? Then you replayed the events in your head as you brewed your morning coffee and smirked.

✋

I rarely remember enough of a dream to be able to repeat it. But it's all trapped in my head, and I know some of this stuff happens. We could all write a junior high memoir that ain't pretty.

Some chapter highlights:

• Harry dodging the mistletoe traffic. I can relate to Harry as a shy young teen, but some guys I knew would have walked right into the middle of this.
• Harry the teen idol. Yes, there was always one or two. I have no idea what that feels like as much as I have no idea what it's like to be in a boy band.
• Ron and Hermione talking to Harry about their troubled relationship. We've all been Harry in this one. And I never knew what to say. Dr. Phil's the one with the PhD. Go ask him.
• Girls hoping to slip Harry a love potion? Well, love potions aren't real, but I remember girls at times going to great lengths to be noticed. Of course, guys can also plead guilty to that.
• Hermione's sweet-sounding sentiments about her date meant to stab Ron in the heart. As blunt as she usually is, that was smooth.
• Hermione's jealousy. We've all seen it. But to be fair, the worst cases I ever saw were the guys being jealous.
• Harry is worn out by this feud/lover's quarrel between Ron and Hermione. He'd probably be OK with some forehead burning about now.
• So Harry invites Luna Lovegood to the party and friend zones her. Classic. And the gossip of it spreads faster than a Quidditch snitch.

Meanwhile, back to the major plot theme. Harry does his best James Bond and follows a villain out of the party, presumably with no one noticing. Harry ... Harry Potter, has a gadget Q never invented for Bond – an invisibility cloak.

That brings us to the unbreakable vow. I knew the vow (based on the title chapter) would have nothing to do with teenage relationships, but I had no clue what it would actually be.

Draco speaks to Snape as a peer, not as a professor. That's revealing. An unnamed master is mentioned, but his identity seems obvious.

Snape's unbreakable vow to Draco's mother is intriguing. How does this affect my Snape is a double-agent-loyal-to-Dumbledore theory? From what or whom is Snape actually protecting Draco? The answer can be assumed, but it's not clear.

As Harry sits under his cloak with his mind racing, I'll go to bed tonight hoping I don't dream about junior high.

Another happy ending

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: Chapter 17

This book has been a lot like an NBA game for me. The first three quarters are played to get to the fourth. That's when - if it's going to get exciting - it gets exciting. Maybe it's because it was the second book and the novelty is wearing off or maybe it just moved more slowly and cryptically than the first, but the payoff at the end was worth it. I found myself reading faster than usual.

So I guess from now on I will always suspect that Voldemort/Quirrell/Riddle/????? is behind whatever threatens to close Hogwarts, threatens Harry or anyone close to him, threatens any student or just generally causes mayhem of any sort.

Voldemort's problem is his cockiness. How many times have we seen it in movies when the villian wants to make his prey suffer and delays the deed. Goldfinger could've shot Bond, but he had to elaborately try and kill him with some kind of laser-beam thing. "Do you expect me talk?" asks OO7. "No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die." And Goldfinger walks out of the room and Bond escapes. The Dynamic Duo did this all the time. It is a fatal flaw for fictional felons. It's not enough for them to kill. They have to make you suffer.

So the Dark Lord (don't get confused with Star Wars here) is revealed to be a former Head Boy at Hogwarts aptly named Riddle, the heir of Slytherin and once again inept at killing his nemesis. When it comes to killing Harry, Voldemort is as inept as GilLo.

BTW, did I laugh when Professor Gilderoy Lockhart de-memorized himself? LOL, for sure on that one. Now he can't take credit for making the school a Voldemort-free zone. Excellent.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: Chapter 18

This chapter could've been anticlimactic, but after the Weasley reunion and the usual Dumbledore debriefing and the Hagrid homecoming, we get to see Lucius Malfoy taken down a few notches on his self-importance scale. I think he's trying to make up for not being the heir.

When Harry tricks Malfoy into freeing Dobby, he displays a more observant side to go with his resourcefulness and bravery.

It is nice to know that Dobby really was trying to help Harry. He's no Phoenix, that's for sure, but maybe he will be of more use in the future.

I would tell Harry to enjoy his summer, but that won't be easy where he's headed. Maybe being a Prisoner of Privet will prepare him for the Prisoner of Azkaban.

The story takes flight

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: Chapter 3

Do you find it odd that the Dursleys want to keep Harry around? You would think they would rather be rid of him and the accompanying magic that spooks them. Blood, I suppose, is thicker than magic. That's my only explanation for Vernon hanging on to Harry's leg over a window sill.

Malfoy should see the Weasleys now, flying around in a car. I'll bet Malfoy doesn't have one. Even James Bond has never been given a flying car by Q that I can remember. If Dudley saw it, he's probably demanding one right now.

Anyway, it was good of the Weasleys to break out Harry The Wizard like he was Billy The Kid and fly him to the Weasley homestead. It's a strange-sounding place, but it sure beats Privet Prison.

When the Weasleys are done de-gnoming the garden I could point them toward some yards that could use a little de-gnoming and general de-lawn ornamenting.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: Chapter 4

Like a dusting of Floo powder I'm already well into the second book. Traveling through chimneys certainly doesn't seem like the only way to go. Seems like one of those things you do once to say you did it.

The Weasleys are about as nice and selfless as they can be, but I have feeling Professor Gilderoy Lockhart sees only himself when he looks into the Mirror of Erised. I just might have to work "Magical Me" into my summer schedule.

Our friends are going to have to learn that the Malfoys aren't worth listening to. Now we know where Draco gets it. The rotten apple didn't fall far from the tree.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: Chapter 5

Why couldn't Harry and Ron make it onto platform nine and three quarters? Who cast that spell? It can't be a coincidence.

But hey, they got to fly in the car again even if it was a long and uncomfortable flight. Ron does need to work on his parking skills. It's usually a good idea to avoid trees, especially ones that try to beat you up. Who knew they'd hit turbulence after landing.

Snape just can't wait to get Harry expelled. You'd think he would have softened a little after Harry's heroics at keeping the Sorcerer's Stone away from Voldemort. But he probably hasn't found a seeker who can compete with Harry and win back the house cup.

Now that school has started, the real story begins.