Dobby, dobby, doo

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: Chapter 2

First, Dobby refers to himself in the first person repeatedly. If I were to write, "Jeff thinks Harry should ... or If it were up to Jeff, the Dursleys would be ...." Annoying isn't it.

I'm sure any of us could come up with some punishments for Dobby to inflict on himself every time he talks in the first person. Like, have to sit down to dinner with Vernon, Petunia and Dudley. Or pretend to be Dudley's chair.

So Dobby claims to be a warning signal, but he's just a big pain in the rear end for Harry. Dobby could be a double agent who just wants Harry to stay away from Hogwarts. And now Harry's locked in his room like a full-fledged prisoner. Somebody call social services and put the Dursleys behind bars. I'd like to see Dudley be demanding with a 6-foot-4 prison guard carrying a club.

By now I'm obviously quite sympathetic toward Harry. The Dursleys are as unlikable a lot as you could imagine and they've just about touched my last nerve.

But Ron is outside the window as we close this chapter. A rescue can't be too many pages away.