So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Chapter 3

Talk about your long, awkward goodbyes. Did the Dursleys actually pull out of the driveway yet?

Good old Uncle Vernon just couldn't stand the thought of what he saw as taking orders from Harry (yes, I can mind-read fictional characters as far as you know). When he could stall no longer and Dudley showed fear, Vernon finally caved.

Awkward goodbyes are part of job interviews, TV show finales and first dates. But I did not expect that here. I thought it would be quick out the door, maybe a quick wave and that would be it.

The stunning moment of the scene was Dudley's surprise that Harry wasn't coming with. The second surprise was when Dudley expressed gratitude to Harry for saving his life. And I thought Petunia would break character, but she's learned not to show emotion living with Vernon. If emotional tears were ever going to flow on Privet Drive, this was the moment. But it came and went with the awkwardness of me, a right-hander, trying to throw left-handed.

The longest goodbye I can remember was performed by the Von Trapp Family Singers in "The Sound of Music." That wasn't awkward. It was tricky. The worst? Some would say the final episode of M*A*S*H.

Back to the Dursleys. In an odd way, and probably for Harry as well, I will miss them. They are a ridiculous lot, but they give us a reason to laugh in these dark days. So, off with you Dursleys. Hope your safehouse wherever it is will be acceptable, but I doubt it. Hope Voldemort doesn't find you. No one deserves to meet him.

When I saw the title of the chapter, my first thought was good riddance. I still kinda feel that way for the way they treated Harry. But I'll amend that first thought to good luck.

But that's it. No more long, awkward goodbyes.

Bye.

Not much private on Privet anymore

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: Chapter 2

I couldn't remember what a Squib was so I Googled it. How crazy is it that I found a wiki that had the definition and an entire entry devoted to what a Squib is. I would say it's ridiculous for people to put this much work into fictional characters, but then look at me. I'm pretty sure some people think I'm crazy, and more would if they knew about this little blog.

"A Squib is someone who was born into a wizarding family but hasn’t got any magic powers. Kind of the opposite of Muggle-born wizards, but Squibs are quite unusual."
— Ron Weasley discussing Argus Filch

And I thought a squib was when you bounce a kickoff along the ground to prevent the dangerous return man from making a big play. Anyway, I'm sure we'll see more of Mrs. Figg if she doesn't get thrown into Azkaban for murder.

This episode of the Dursley's trying to uncover what happened to Dudley is comical. Vernon must have a strong heart, because he's not one to take things in stride. Harry, on the other hand, was just the opposite. He doesn't care what the Dursleys know and he tells them everything. What's the point in hiding it with owls in and out of the house and Dudley trying to blame him for everything?

Of course, when Petunia reveals that she knows what Dementors are, the whole scene changes. Harry finally gets some Privet Drive cred even though Vernon tries to throw him out. Then the Howler shows up and Petunia is shown to know even more about wizarding. "Are you in touch with wizards?" Harry asks. I would love to hear the answer to that one as well.

I want lots of answers, but I must be patient ... one chapter at a time (no wiki leaks please).

Dobby, dobby, doo

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: Chapter 2

First, Dobby refers to himself in the first person repeatedly. If I were to write, "Jeff thinks Harry should ... or If it were up to Jeff, the Dursleys would be ...." Annoying isn't it.

I'm sure any of us could come up with some punishments for Dobby to inflict on himself every time he talks in the first person. Like, have to sit down to dinner with Vernon, Petunia and Dudley. Or pretend to be Dudley's chair.

So Dobby claims to be a warning signal, but he's just a big pain in the rear end for Harry. Dobby could be a double agent who just wants Harry to stay away from Hogwarts. And now Harry's locked in his room like a full-fledged prisoner. Somebody call social services and put the Dursleys behind bars. I'd like to see Dudley be demanding with a 6-foot-4 prison guard carrying a club.

By now I'm obviously quite sympathetic toward Harry. The Dursleys are as unlikable a lot as you could imagine and they've just about touched my last nerve.

But Ron is outside the window as we close this chapter. A rescue can't be too many pages away.

There's no place like home

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: Chapter 1

I have a feeling that Harry's bedroom isn't going to be a Chamber of Secrets when Vernon's hoped-for client comes to dinner. Whoever is in Harry's room is bound to cause enough trouble to let out the secret of Harry.

It will be fun to watch the Dursleys squirm in anger at Harry and try to remain pleasant for their company. I expect them to fail miserably. If you have to rehearse being nice and saying lovely things, what's that tell you. Handling adversity gracefully probably isn't a Dursley virtue.

Too bad Harry hasn't heard from his friends, but my guess is that his mail is probably being intercepted by Vernon and Petunia.

Even worse is that Harry doesn't at least get cake for his birthday. But Dudley probably would've eaten it all anyway. He certainly is a growing boy.